I feel so lost.... its dark.....really dark...

i feel so lousy about myself... its been o long since i unloaded and i guess its high time i do it if not i might just explode.

many things happened this past mnths.. i changed. no i do not even recognise myself sometimes when i look into the mirror. many people must be very very dissappointed.. i did not mean to but i am only human. sometimes i ask myself what do i really what? what else do i lack? i have a gf who loves me dearly..willing to walk thrugh anyrough patches with me yet i kept allowing my heart to stray. who am i really? am i even human? beneath this thing u know as cedric.. there are so many dark hidden secrets that only the Man up there knows.. to those i have hurt. i am truly sorry.

just came back from cruise and spoke to my boss and my ldr.. realised there are so many things in my life which needs urgent attention to.. boss.. i know.. but i am afraid to face them. i do not dare to try any morebecause i am so afraid to fail again.. whers my strength? whers my courage? its lost.. somewher out there where i cant even see the slightest sign of it.

Daddy..i really miss u..i just dun have the courage to face u anymore. i wished i was like king David..but i am just me. i'm not even sure if you would still use me because i am not what i am supposed to be. just dun let me go............