MISUNDERSTOOD yet again....

today when i received the message.. i was disturbed yet there was a voice that told me.. "Cedric..do not resist..do not retaliate..let go and let Me.."

there are so many things that i wanted to say but i guess it is not needed now. Whatever it is, i just want to say to that special someone.. No, it was never my intention to move this direction. What you presumed is just not what it is.. I am sorry to have caused hurt but i know i cant blame you for thinking this way. I am also just human. There is nothing for me to benefit out of THIS whole saga. If u think i am less hurt.. you are wrong. i am trying to recuperate from it as well.

Been spending alot of time with my ACS cliques. Really thank God for such faithful friends. Raymond, i just want to say that i really really do love and appreciate you as a bro. constantly there for me through the good, the bad and the ugly. despite my rotten state, you never despised me yet you shown so much faith and hope in me. This alone, i am truly thankful. Thank you bro.

Been awhile since i gone to service and today seemed to be a set up by Daddy. I got Your message abba. I am learning. I am growing to be a man. To be whom You want me to be. Help me and never let me go.

My heart has been heavy for so long. It is rather frozen and stiff now. Nothing at this time would really affect me because i am already so. I am just very very physically and mentally tired. I guess i need rest.

I feel so lost.... its dark.....really dark...

i feel so lousy about myself... its been o long since i unloaded and i guess its high time i do it if not i might just explode.

many things happened this past mnths.. i changed. no i do not even recognise myself sometimes when i look into the mirror. many people must be very very dissappointed.. i did not mean to but i am only human. sometimes i ask myself what do i really what? what else do i lack? i have a gf who loves me dearly..willing to walk thrugh anyrough patches with me yet i kept allowing my heart to stray. who am i really? am i even human? beneath this thing u know as cedric.. there are so many dark hidden secrets that only the Man up there knows.. to those i have hurt. i am truly sorry.

just came back from cruise and spoke to my boss and my ldr.. realised there are so many things in my life which needs urgent attention to.. boss.. i know.. but i am afraid to face them. i do not dare to try any morebecause i am so afraid to fail again.. whers my strength? whers my courage? its lost.. somewher out there where i cant even see the slightest sign of it.

Daddy..i really miss u..i just dun have the courage to face u anymore. i wished i was like king David..but i am just me. i'm not even sure if you would still use me because i am not what i am supposed to be. just dun let me go............

once i have turned my face from thee
yet you sought me and you clensed me
made me whole again

Jesus my savior, my beloved and friend
your praises i bring
from my heart i will sing

o draw me, o draw me away
Messiah today to your presence to stay
o Jesus now change me and mould me
that i can be, ever more true to thee

short entry @ the office.

Shalom! :P

its 2pm and here i am letting my mind wander away @ the office. :S

so instead of idling, i shall blog!

btw, my pastor always says: "an idle mind is the devil's workshop"


was just meditating about what pastor phil pringle shared.
Faith to me is more than an outward burst of emotion which causes you to do things which you otherwise would never have done. It is an attitude.

when you have the "God-in-me-can" attitude, thats Faith.

So how do i position myself in the market place? should i stand alongside with the other people whose faith is in themselves? or should i place my faith in the Almighty? of course it has to be Him! because God and i forms the majority! Hallelujah!

recently i have been thinking about many things. how to live a life thats in accordance to God's Word. how to position myself under the blessings of God. How to be strong and to carry out mighty exploits. but more importantly, learning to find joy in my salvation.

I pray that as i continue to ponder over these issues, God will speak to me and direct me in accordance to His Word.

There is a longing, only you can fill
a raging tempest, only you can still
my heart is thirsty Lord, to know you as i'm known
drinking fromt he river that flows before Your throne.

Take me deeper, deeper in love with You
Jesus hold me close in Your embrace
take me deeper, deeper than i've ever been before
i just want to love You more and more
how i long, to be deeper in love

prodigal son's post..

God is good all the time and all the time God is good!!

yeah. i am back! was just reading my old post and it really really brought back to remembrance many of the promises which i held so close to my heart! I thank God i kept my online diary. It serves as my reminder and i pray that whenever i feel down and out, it can encourage me to pick myself up and run this race again! indeed, we ought to fight the good fight of faith! Amen!

time really flies. i am already 4 months old as an agent now. As the day draws nearer to my enlistment to police academy(eh baaaa), everything seems to be moving at an ultra fasst pace.. :S but it also meant that, it allows me more room to put my faith in the Holy Spirit. So Lord, here i am.. use me! Lets continue our adventure where i left off.

heres one of my all time favorite worship song.. the lyrics are exactly what my heart's cry is about!

YOU ARE FOREVER IN MY LIFE
YOU SEE ME THROUGH THE SEASONS
COVERED ME WITH YOUR HANDS
AND LEAD ME IN YOUR RIGHTEOUSNESS
AND I, LOOK TO YOU
AND I, WAIT ON YOU

I SING TO YOU LORD
A HYMN OF LOVE
FOR YOUR FAITHFULNESS
TO ME
I'M CARRIED IN
EVERLASTING ARMS
YOU NEVER LET ME GO
THROUGH IT ALL

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Daddy Abba God.. you are so amazing. times when i was faithless, you remained faithful. times when i strayed, you draw me near. ever so faithfully waiting by my bedside wanting to commune with me while i lazed on my bed and slowly drifting off to sleep. I'm sorry for all that i have failed to do. I am sorry for all that i have done. won't you take me and mould me once again. Let your hands see me through every circumstance in my life. I need the power of God all over me because i am weak. your Word says that when i am weak You are strong! when i am poor You are rich! Jesus, be my guide. Holy Spirit, You are my paracletos! the one who walk alongside me! so therefore walk with me. Speak to me. take out the blockage in my ears. break the heart of stone and put in a heart of flesh to feel you. flow through me. move through me.

thank you Daddy God. I feel ever safe whenever you are near. I just want to be where you are, dwelling daily in Your presence. I dun want to worship from afar, i just want to be with You!

hear the cries of my heart this day. Restore to me the days of my wanderings. restore to me a heart for the lost. restore to me the joy of my salvation! Let Your promises upon my life be Yes and Amen. Let me see in my lifetime, a great number of souls saved through the Holy Spirit who will work through me! increase upon me the favour of men, the favour of Yours! thank you Lord for everything. love you so much.

In Jesus name..

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To my buddy:

just want to appreciate you for being who you are. a person with such a teachable heart. always loving God. always being there. though sometimes its hard to fully say everything out with my mouth. but you know how much you mean to me! there is a reason God placed you in my life! indeed, we are partners in crime. to plunder hell and to populate heaven! the devil is fighting a losing battle. and thank God we are on His side. He chose us to be! we were meant to be!

thank you buddy. I know we have a long way more to go! lets allow God to continue to bring this relationship to the next level constantly breaking through with Him! In due season, we will reap if we do not lose heart! wait, i say on the Lord :)

difficult times will surely come, times when you are in darkness, times when you are so afraid. But God wants you to know that, "trust in Me. when you cant see My hands, trust My heart. I will show you my deliverance. How i brought the children of Isreal out of Egypt will be how i shall deliver you. the devil will come against you one way, but he will flee seven ways. because i have called you and anointed you. You will be as the light on the lamp, a city on a hill that cannot be hidden! therefore do not be afraid. only believe. when temptations comes, it shall only make you stronger. do not escape for i have already provided a way of escape for you. I have your refuge. a strong tower. the righteous runs to me and are safe! So be strong and very courageous. times of adversities will come. But i shall lift you up. I will bear you up with my hands. I will not allow your foot to strike the rocks. For i have chosen you. I have called you for a time such as this. I will be your hands and your mouth. You shall indeed go to ALL whom i will send you to! And then you will know that I, the Lord is with you. wait on me. wait, i say"




this is an awesome day!

Hallelujah! :)

wadpenning wadpenning!??!?

woah! lonnnnggggg week it had been! but fruitful! 2 days ago i was with my classmates! and guess what!?? they are gonna sign 2 programs with me! amazing! the momentum is coming!!! slowly but surely! wow.. so exciting!

the testimonies of the church mates were fantastic! how God prospered them in the midst of an economic downturn and how God brought their businesses from one level to the next! this 2006 arise and build, i'm gonna try the hands of God once again.. but i do know one thing.. when i am not able to see God's hands...i will trust His heart. I know his desire is for me to prosper! i will drive my dream car! live in my dream home! i will be an insurance tycoon!

many of my friends kept asking me if i was going to be in this business for long? of course it is YES! with capital Y! I have seen the rewards of this business.. i love to meet new people! i love the feeling of achieving targets! weekly target for myself is to meet 5 people and close at least 3! If i can see it, i can have it! So God, unless u come through for me... it wouldnt be possible!

this coming 18,19,20 gonna be a short holiday for myself! going with some old friends either to batam, JB , oh might jus end up booking a hotel downtown to chill and relax and withdraw from this extremely highly complex world we live in. its our way of "enlightenment"! haha.. anyhow, looking forward to it! and coming December, going to Jakarta with my girlfriend, and also to JB with my colleagues! hoho.. eventful indeed!

so...its pretty late now.. will blog again soonnn..

ciaoz all!

almost done up=) fast.. but can be faster!

my cute new toy! but it has to make way for my new laptop! hahah

Finally!

aloha! its been soooooooooooooooooooo super duper long since i posted!! and its really because i was super duper busy!

ok! so whats up?!! hows everyone doing? guess i lost 90% of my readership due to long intervals of each posts=p

anyhow, this past month was truly hectic for me!

i took the most number of exams in my life combined together! but it was all fun.. (yeah..right)

I met soooo many people! many of whom i had always wanted to and my current job gives me every excuse to meet them! and to rebuild many which were once glorious! haha. and yeah, i am now a qualified financial service consultant!

God has been good to me! despite of all my hectic schedule, He never failed to encourage me, empower me and of course educate me=)

My job is amazing! i am enjoying every single part of it! just not so when i have to wait so long to close a case! zzzz
my boss who is also my leader has high expectations for me! target is very high!!! arghhh.. quite stressful... but its good. I must start well! my colleagues are fantastic too! they are mostly from church by the way! so no politics whatsoever! =)

over the many weeks of training, i've really learnt so many things! its indeed very important to be very wise in our expenditures and simply put it, to be a good steward of wads given to us! many do not think twice about spending but when it comes to savings, they have entirely no clue of how to start. and of course thats where i will come in=) call me, talk to me.. I can help you get started!

been going to office, taking exams after exams, meeting people after people, teaching one after another.. its all pretty exhausting for me. sometimes it amazes me how i am able to do so many things with so little time that i have. I really miss having a gooooooood lonnnnnnngggg sleep.. I have been thinking of how i can achieve success! I want to drive my dream car! I am not satisfied when the people of the world are all prospering and here i am riding a small bike! I wan my FAIRLADY!

I will work hard.. i will work smart.. the rest is up to God to open up doors.



THINK BIG AND YOU'LL BE BIG! NO ONE KILLS AN ELEPHANT WITH A POP GUN! -Ben Feldman

testing... =p

dun wan to post wrongly into my sister account again =/