MISUNDERSTOOD yet again....

today when i received the message.. i was disturbed yet there was a voice that told me.. "Cedric..do not resist..do not retaliate..let go and let Me.."

there are so many things that i wanted to say but i guess it is not needed now. Whatever it is, i just want to say to that special someone.. No, it was never my intention to move this direction. What you presumed is just not what it is.. I am sorry to have caused hurt but i know i cant blame you for thinking this way. I am also just human. There is nothing for me to benefit out of THIS whole saga. If u think i am less hurt.. you are wrong. i am trying to recuperate from it as well.

Been spending alot of time with my ACS cliques. Really thank God for such faithful friends. Raymond, i just want to say that i really really do love and appreciate you as a bro. constantly there for me through the good, the bad and the ugly. despite my rotten state, you never despised me yet you shown so much faith and hope in me. This alone, i am truly thankful. Thank you bro.

Been awhile since i gone to service and today seemed to be a set up by Daddy. I got Your message abba. I am learning. I am growing to be a man. To be whom You want me to be. Help me and never let me go.

My heart has been heavy for so long. It is rather frozen and stiff now. Nothing at this time would really affect me because i am already so. I am just very very physically and mentally tired. I guess i need rest.

I feel so lost.... its dark.....really dark...

i feel so lousy about myself... its been o long since i unloaded and i guess its high time i do it if not i might just explode.

many things happened this past mnths.. i changed. no i do not even recognise myself sometimes when i look into the mirror. many people must be very very dissappointed.. i did not mean to but i am only human. sometimes i ask myself what do i really what? what else do i lack? i have a gf who loves me dearly..willing to walk thrugh anyrough patches with me yet i kept allowing my heart to stray. who am i really? am i even human? beneath this thing u know as cedric.. there are so many dark hidden secrets that only the Man up there knows.. to those i have hurt. i am truly sorry.

just came back from cruise and spoke to my boss and my ldr.. realised there are so many things in my life which needs urgent attention to.. boss.. i know.. but i am afraid to face them. i do not dare to try any morebecause i am so afraid to fail again.. whers my strength? whers my courage? its lost.. somewher out there where i cant even see the slightest sign of it.

Daddy..i really miss u..i just dun have the courage to face u anymore. i wished i was like king David..but i am just me. i'm not even sure if you would still use me because i am not what i am supposed to be. just dun let me go............